Fidelina Ramirez Ybarra

Fidelina Ramirez Ybarra
Our Beloved, Beautiful Mommy
June 6, 1933 – August 5, 2020

Our Beloved Mom came into this world on June 6^th, 1933 in Peoria Arizona.  Her mother was a homemaker and her father was a miner.   They lived in many towns in Arizona including Morenci, Clifton, Ajo and Tucson.  Her parents were physically and verbally abusing to her as a young child.  Her parents never celebrated her birthdays, Christmas or any other holidays.  Her aunts and uncles took guardianship of her at the age of 6 years old.   It was then she was truly loved, nurtured and cared for by a loving family.   She grew up with her cousins and supported one another like siblings. 

At the age of 13, she moved back to Tucson to live and care for her mother as she was battling kidney disease.  She worked on the cotton fields to help raise money for food, shelter, clothing and other needs for her mother and herself.  Her father had left the family and moved back to Peoria and never saw his daughter ever again. 

Later, her mother remarried a wonderful man who we got to know as “Tata”, Donaciano Valenzuela.  He also worked in the mines and provided much needed love and support to his family.  At the age of 24, our grandmother was failing in health and wanted to make sure our Mom was married before she died.  That’s when our Dad, Armando Ybarra, entered the picture.   He was very well liked by our grandmother.  Mom didn’t really love him at the time but after dating for almost a year, they were married at Santa Cruz Church on August 31^st, 1957.   Our grandmother passed away a year later after suffering from kidney failure.

Our Dad worked in construction as a mason tender and brick layer…often referred to as a “burro” in Spanish, meaning a hard laborer.  Mom worked briefly at Woolworth’s Downtown and eventually was hired at McClellan’s Downtown on Congress St and Scott Ave in their fountain.  She served breakfast, lunch and often times dinner.  Unfortunately for Mom, the “honeymoon” was over soon and Dad became an alcoholic and was verbally abusive to our Mom.  But from the tough upbringing she had as a child, she wasn’t going to put up with that and she stood her ground.

Mom saw how great he was with children and his family, so they decided to start their own family with my sister, Irma, born on July 23^rd, 1960.  My sister was born during a strong monsoon storm at St. Mary’s Hospital with heavy rain, thunder, lightning and a power outage.  Our Dad wasn’t much of a “father figure” to my sister and paid more attention to other children rather than his own daughter.   As hard as Mom worked, she always made time to take my sister to the Fox Theater to watch movies, ice cream at Thrifty Drug Store and of course her specialty dishes at McClellan’s.  Few years went by and my sister wanted a baby brother.   There’s an urban legend that my sister used to have a dog named Gilbert.  He ran away when they lived in South Tucson and hence, influenced my name.  Mom always said I was never named after the dog but rather someone she knew named Gilbert.

On August 9^th, 1971, like my sister, I was born during a strong monsoon storm with thunder and lighting crashing at Tucson Medical Center with the shutters opening and the power going off and on.  As a child, I didn’t see Dad very much as he was often times out of town for construction projects.  Mom filled both roles and took me to car shows, bought me Hot Wheels, plastic model cars and other cool activities.  That’s how I got bit by the auto enthusiast bug.   My sister would also play the role of “Second Mom” as we are 11 years apart.   I often refer to it as “Older Sister Syndrome” as I was picked on, as siblings do.  One thing that I did not enjoy in my childhood was Dad coming home drunk and verbally abusing my Mom.   I remember hiding in the closet with fear and he was demanding to see me.  My sister told me I better go to the kitchen to see Dad.  Mom would be crying in the living room and I would tell her “it’s okay Mommy, I’m here now”. 

Mom always made sure my sister and I celebrated our birthdays, Christmas and all the other holidays.  She always made sure we had food on the table, clean clothes and a good education.  Both our parents worked very hard to make sure we received a good education.  Irma attended Immaculate Heart Academy, then moved on to Pistor Middle School and eventually Cholla High School.  I was enrolled in St. John’s Evangelist School and attended from kindergarten through junior high.   Then I attended Salpointe Catholic High School.  My sister was the first generation of our family to attend college at Pima Community College and I was the first to attend the University of Arizona.

As the years went by and my Dad was diagnosed with Stage 3 Cancer in July 2015, he only lived for a month under in-home hospice care and passed away peacefully on August 27^th, 2015 with Mom and I by his bedside.  Mom, Irma and I took care of Dad and made sure his needs were met.   Our Mom has always been the center of our lives.   We were like the proverbial “Three Musketeers”.  We supported and loved each other as a family.  

When COVID-19 became more prevalent in Arizona, my sister and I took all the necessary precautions to protect Mom from this horrible virus.  Unfortunately, the three of us were exposed to COVID-19 just before the 4^th of July weekend.  We all were tested and the results came back positive.  Mom had the worst of the symptoms with high fever, pneumonia, urinary tract infection and dementia.   Mom was admitted to the hospital on July 7^th.  After eight days, she fought the pneumonia and UTI but still had the effects of dementia.   She was discharged from St. Mary’s Hospital to Sabino Canyon Care for physical and occupational therapy on July 15^th.   My sister and I were so happy that Mom was out of danger and would be able to recover and come home soon. 

On July 17^th, the nurse discovered Mom’s left foot was cold and was unable to detect a pulse.  A Doppler image was requested and showed she did not have any circulation below her knee.   She was rushed to St. Joseph’s Hospital and underwent surgery to remove three clots in her left leg.  She underwent several blood transfusions and was having difficulty healing the wounds from the surgery with a Heparin drip therapy being administered to her around the clock.  My sister and I always kept checking in on Mom on the phone with her doctors and nurses.   One of the hardest parts with the COVID-19 Pandemic is being unable to see your loved ones in hospitals and nursing facilities.  When Mom was at Sabino, we went every day to see and talk to Mom through a window, in the heat.  When Mom was at the hospital, we were blessed with some kind nurses and doctors who were willing to use their cell phones and did Messenger and Duo video chats with Mom for Irma and I.   Those were the only opportunities we had to see and talk to Mom. 

On July 23^rd, right on my sister’s birthday, we received a devastating call from the Hospitalist at St. Joseph’s Hospital that completely changed our lives.   Up until that point, we were informed Mom was doing well, eating some soft food and drinking Ensure.  We were told that we needed to make plans for Mom’s final arrangements.  He, and another vascular surgeon, both stated Mom was not eating nor drinking for several days.  They also stated her leg was in bad shape and that the surgery did not go well where the past few days we were told the surgery was a success.  They said the only way to save her life was to amputate her leg.  That is something Mom never wanted and we agreed that it would be too devastating for Mom to go through this surgery. 

My sister and I made the hard decision and placed Mom at Casa de la Luz Hospice at the Hacienda Del Sol on July 25^th.  We were not prepared that day would be the last time we would be able to talk to Mom.  The next day, she was administered Haldol and an opioid pain reliever which put her under sedation.   Mom could barely open her eyes and speak. As the days progressed, she was administered higher doses of the medication with the addition of Larazaprem.  After three days, Mom could not speak nor open her eyes.   She would only moan when moved or bathed.  During this time, my sister had to visit Mom through her window in the heat as she was not allowed inside due to Mom’s COVID-19 diagnosis.  After repeated attempts to have their administration grant permission to have Irma see Mom in her room, I requested she be retested.   Mom was given the test on July 31^st to my agony after seeing Mom raise her arms and hands to her face after feeling the discomfort even though she was heavily sedated. On Monday August 3^rd, Mom’s test results came in negative and my sister could finally be with Mom and hold her hand.

On August 5^th, my sister and I spent the afternoon and early evening with Mom at the hospice facility.  She had labored breathing and moaned quite a bit.  Shortly after 8:00pm, her nurse administered additional pain medication and Mom became relaxed.   She stopped moaning and her breathing became shallower.   As I observed her increased time between breaths, my sister and I prayed and held Moms’ hands.   She still had a grip on our hands so we knew she could still hear us.  At 8:34pm, Mom gave her last breath.

As heartbroken and saddened we are today, we know Mom is in Heaven with no more suffering and pain.  She will always be with us in our hearts and in spirit.  Our Beloved, Beautiful Mommy will always be remembered for being the kindest, caring and most lovable Mom.  We admire her so much for all that she endured in her life and will carry on her caring and loving support she gave to everyone she met.  She is a “Mom’s Mom”.  She will always be the Queen of our Hearts.  We Love you Mommy…until we are together again.